Thursday, October 8, 2015

bitches gotta read: everything everything.

OKAY SO WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS. and it's gonna be difficult because it's october and there are so many good things on tv right now and i got an ipad mostly so i could watch my shows in the bathroom so i basically don't even read when i poop anymore jesus god what a nightmare. when am i going to have time to read? on the train? in the back of a cab!? also i'm not done writing my new book and wtf am i even doing with myself other than online searching for flattering ponchos. (is that even a real thing.) my goddamn manuscript is due, like, yesterday. anyway, for a while i've been kicking around the idea of a book club but in real life i know i would never go; i would read the book and never go to the club part and be crippled with guilt every month for suggesting a thing i'm too socially anxious to go to and i'm stressed out enough as it is. so this is my consolation plan. i like reading YA books so that's what we're reading. unless you don't want to. see how easy this is gonna be, my dude?

the rules
1 we are never going to meet in person. that would require a bra and zippered pants and probably an expensive uber and motherfuck that. you don't have to worry about karen's gluten allergy or that monica doesn't like gin. no cleaning the cat box or vacuuming the drapes or hiding the dirty laundry in the oven so your company doesn't realize what a huge slob you are. just you in your house glasses and gravy pants sobbing into your vodka glass, the way john green intended. getting together with people you don't live next door to is hella stressful. plus, a bunch of old bitches sitting around talking about fictional teenage romance is lame. OR IS IT THO.
2 we are never going to discuss this, ever. i mean seriously. i'm going to derive pleasure from knowing that people i might possibly enjoy spending time with if i ever could bring myself to meet new people and i are falling asleep and drooling on the same book we'll probably never finish. maybe we'll talk about it on twitter or something. but even thinking about organizing that is a daunting task and i'm already exhausted. mariyam suggested making a facebook group, but is that dumb? the internet is so hard sometimes.
3 we are never going to shame each other about not reading the fucking book. this is the beauty of never having to meet or talk about it: i ain't gotta come up with "thoughtful questions" and you ain't gotta pretend to remember what happened at the end of chapter seven while a bunch of wine-drunk bitches you don't even like that much wait expectantly for your answer. i'll read them, but that's only in case i run into you at the farmer's market and you decide to pop quiz my ass.

brief internet synopsis: madeline whittier is allergic to the outside world. so allergic, in fact, that she has never left the house in all of her seventeen years. when a new family moves in next door, she begins a complicated romance that challenges everything she's ever known. the story unfolds via vignettes, diary entries, texts, charts, lists, illustrations and more. everything, everything is about the thrill and heartbreak that happens when we break out of our shell to do crazy, sometimes death-defying things for love.


i hope you like it. see you next month.