Tuesday, December 6, 2016

bitches gotta read: girls like me.

so how is everybody feeling? quivering in despair and actively avoiding the news!? great!!! my answer to that question for the next four years is gonna be "married to a lady in a red state." everything is trash, the earth is hurtling recklessly toward the sun, and everyone i like keeps getting kicked off project runway so what even is there to keep living for. BOOKS, I GUESS. if i was more organized i would have a ranked and compartmentalized list of everything i read this year from "worth incurring the overdue library fines for the time it will take you to finish" to "only to be read during desperate trips to the toilet" but, alas, i am not. also i'm not even sure how many books i read this year even came out this year? i'm really good at scouring all the lists and reading all the descriptions then spending an afternoon lovingly picking up and putting down hundreds of books in the bookstore like i'm not gonna buy them all anyway, only to stack them in towering piles around the crib just so i can admire their beautiful, glistening spines. days/weeks/months pass, during which i don't read anything longer than an email, and then suddenly it's december and the new end of the year booklists come out and i'm like, "wait, what did i read again!?"  anyway here are a few i actually finished and loved in the year of our lord 2016:
"shrill" by lindy west.
"the mothers" by brit bennett.
"problems by jade sharma.
"the association of small bombs" by karan nahajan.
"all the birds in the sky" by charlie jane anders.
"a hundred thousand worlds" by bob proehl.
"we love you, charlie freeman" by kaitlyn greenidge.
"girls on fire" by robin wasserman.
"so sad today" by melissa broder.
i know i read a lot more than this but i'm lazy and you don't care that much. i also bought piles of books that i'm stoked to read but unless i throw my tv in the trash and disconnect the internet how on earth am i ever going to have time to read!? not to mention my healthy appetite for gripping courtroom dramas i'm too ashamed to add to my goodreads and the dozens of YA books i download and immediately forget about!? in addition to my food journal (LOL) and my daily exercise log (BAHAHAHAHA) maybe i should set a timer and force myself to keep track of how many minutes i devote each day. i already know that i'm never going to do that but it feels good to pretend that i might?

i have a confession to make: i started a humans-actually-sitting-in-my-living-room-eating-snacks book club. we put together fancy cheese trays and there was a chopped up log of spicy sopressata and a bunch of vegetables (eyeroll) and pie, and a lovely group of women came over on the friday after thanksgiving to eat our overpriced port salut while silently judging our interior design. oh and also we talked about "the mothers," which some of these broads didn't like as much as i did, causing me to get irrationally defensive and throw each and every one of them out of my caucasian home while hurling cats at their heads like that lady on the simpsons. no i didn't but it was like they were criticizing my child or something, which is why i should only ever do things by myself, in a dark room with the blinds closed, where no one can see or talk to me. can't wait to do it again in a few weeks! we're reading "long division" by kiese laymon who i am actually in love with so i'm super excited to die from a heart attack if someone isn't feeling it!!!

the rules
1 we are never going to meet in real life. that would require a bra and zippered pants and probably an expensive uber and no one is doing that. you don't have to worry about tasha's dairy allergy or that rebecca doesn't like champagne. no cleaning the cat box or vacuuming the drapes or hiding the dirty laundry in the oven so your company doesn't realize what a huge slob you are. just you in your house glasses and gravy pants sobbing into your six pack of beer, the way john green intended. getting together with people you don't live next door to is hella stressful. plus, a bunch of old bitches sitting around talking about fictional teenage romance is lame. OR IS IT THO.
2 we are never going to discuss this, ever. i mean seriously. i'm going to derive pleasure from knowing that people i might possibly enjoy spending time with if i ever could bring myself to meet new people and i are falling asleep and drooling on the same book we'll probably never finish. maybe we'll talk about it on twitter or something. but even thinking about organizing that is a daunting task and i'm already exhausted. mariyam suggested making a facebook group, but is that dumb? the internet is so hard sometimes. (ETA: there is a group! it's called bitches gotta read! and it is full of rad people who aren't irritating! come find us!)
3 we are never going to shame each other about not reading the fucking book. this is the beauty of never having to meet or talk about it: i ain't gotta come up with "thoughtful questions" and you ain't gotta pretend to remember what happened at the end of chapter seven while a bunch of wine-drunk bitches you don't even like that much wait expectantly for your answer. i'll read the books for sure, but that's only in case i run into one of you at the co-op and you decide to ask how much the ending moved me.


brief internet synopsis:
Fifteen-year-old Shay Summers is trying to cope with the death of her father, being overweight, and threats from a girl bully in school. When she falls in love with Blake, a mysterious boy online, insecure Shay doesn't want to tell him who she is. But with the help of her two best friends, as well as an assist by Kermit and Miss Piggy, ultimately Shay and Blake’s love prevails. Girls Like Me is a fun and fresh poetic take on teen angst, social media and online anonymity, and high school romance.

idk if this is gonna be good but the protagonist is a fat girl and the author is a black girl so when my homie emailed asking if i'd read it i was like SIGN ME UP, BRUH. it's written like poetry and god knows i am too dumb to understand real poems, but i'm going to try to read it anyway. right after i finish all this other shit. cross your fingers that i don't catch wind of any csi: miami marathons. *cue the who*