Thursday, March 2, 2017

bitches gotta read: american street.

isn't it technically february 31st? okay fine, there's no such thing as that and i'm hella fucking late with this month's book club pick and it's dumb because i don't really do that much other than cry in my room while listening to drake and make complicated soups. well, that's not entirely true. i flew to new york a few weeks ago to have terror sweats in front of all the nice people at random house who are publishing my new book, and then i spent last week having torrential diarrhea in all of chicago's fanciest toilets. i bought a lot of doughnuts and cabernet sauvignon to apologize to my homies for being a lowkey shitty friend and i threw myself a birthday party where i spent the whole time trying to convince people to have sex with each other, i made katy hang out with me at eight o'clock in the fucking morning then was late because in seven moths i've forgotten what city traffic is actually like, then i snuck out of town like a thief with a trunk full of bari subs because of all the food there is to miss in chicago greasy italian deli sandwiches were the most important for me to bring home. lol "home." what is my home? where do i even live anymore!?

the rules
1 we are never going to meet in real life. that would require a bra and zippered pants and probably an expensive uber and no one is doing that. you don't have to worry about megan's dairy allergy or that vanessa doesn't like champagne. no cleaning the cat box or vacuuming the drapes or hiding the dirty laundry in the oven so your company doesn't realize what a huge slob you are. just you in your house glasses and gravy pants sobbing into your six pack of beer, the way rainbow rowell intended. getting together with people you don't live next door to is hella stressful. plus, a bunch of old bitches sitting around talking about fictional teenage romance is lame. OR IS IT THO.
2 we are never going to discuss this, ever. i mean seriously. i'm going to derive pleasure from knowing that people i might possibly enjoy spending time with if i ever could bring myself to meet new people and i are falling asleep and drooling on the same book we'll probably never finish. maybe we'll talk about it on twitter or something. but even thinking about organizing that is a daunting task and i'm already exhausted. mariyam suggested making a facebook group, but is that dumb? the internet is so hard sometimes. (ETA: there is a group! it's called bitches gotta read! and it is full of hilarious mostly-women people who aren't irritating! come find us!!) i also have a bunch of friends on goodreads but lesbihonest: i'm not, like, putting all these john grishams i read on there because i don't need you guys clowning me in public.
3 we are never going to shame each other about not reading the fucking book. this is the beauty of never having to meet or talk about it: i ain't gotta come up with "thoughtful questions" and you ain't gotta pretend to remember what happened at the end of chapter seven while a bunch of wine-drunk bitches you don't even like that much wait expectantly for your answer. i'll read the books for sure, but that's only in case i run into one of you at the co-op and you decide to ask how shocked i was by the twist no one saw coming at the end.

brief internet synopsis:
On the corner of American Street and Joy Road, Fabiola Toussaint thought she would finally find une belle vie—a good life. But after they leave Port-au-Prince, Haiti, Fabiola’s mother is detained by U.S. immigration, leaving Fabiola to navigate her loud American cousins, Chantal, Donna, and Princess; the grittiness of Detroit’s west side; a new school; and a surprising romance, all on her own. Just as she finds her footing in this strange new world, a dangerous proposition presents itself, and Fabiola soon realizes that freedom comes at a cost. Trapped at the crossroads of an impossible choice, will she pay the price for the American dream?

SOUNDS GOOD, RIGHT. i've been hanging out in detroit a bit because it's close and i love it there and basically have been obsessed since i read "broken monsters" by lauren beukes, so i'm stoked for this one. can't wait to mispronounce all the french words in my head as i read it.