Wednesday, January 12, 2011

i kind of suck at podcasting.

i am not a very DIY kind of person. i don't make things. or build things. or put things together. i like choosing from something that has already been made or paying someone to put together whatever it is i need so i don't smash it into a dozen pieces after attempting three times to correctly construct it. i don't have any patience, and the only things i want to learn how to do are play the acoustic guitar and make rice pudding. and there isn't enough time in the day. i can't find time to read all the books and magazines and blogs i want 0r watch all of the shit on television i want to watch and listen to all of the podcasts and radio programs i want or write or work on my novel or sleep or go out with hot dudes. luckily i don't need to set a lot of time aside for that last one. seriously. they don't call me back. even when i have sex with them. i'm cursed, obviously.

so i made those first two podcasts sitting in my bathroom, rustling paper around, and getting burnt to a crisp by the radiator. and i'm not sure if they were funny or what. but i'm trying to keep people happy and interested, so i recorded a handful more, this time out in the open with the humidifier on and helen snoring on the bed and some lemon lacroix nearby. i think i am frustrating the hippie, first by not having a sexual relationship with him, then by being difficult during this whole recording process. so he produces a radio show and is a big tech person, which is way cool. and he wants me to care a little more than i want to about the quality of the product i am putting out. and i totally do, but i care about the CONTENT, not the SOUND QUALITY. i'm not averse to it sounding professional and well organized and put together, and if he wanted to be my producer while flipping switches and fiddling knobs then that would be rad. but he wants ME to do all of that stuff. and i will not.

my friend bakeem sent me a whole bunch of amazing information about podcasting, and as soon as i upgrade to a newer, faster machine i will totally put those things to good use. i will shit out a slick, shiny, cohesive little nugget of a show and glitter will shoot from your ears upon its hearing. BUT. i need fifteen hundred dollars for the fancy computer i want and someone else's ambition to get the ball(s) rolling. i sort of just wanted this to be some little shit to make you smile, but these dudes are SERIOUS. the hippie said i need to consider my brand, and the quality of the material i put my name on. huh.

you kids understand that i write this shit during my downtime at work, right? or in my shitty pajamas sitting at my desk that is covered in empty diet coke cans in my dirty apartment? and i don't edit, EVER. which is why you get spelling errors and changes in tense that go unnoticed. i just write write write then POST. i never want my shit to feel fussed over. or unreal. that's gross and i'm lazy and fucking drinking all the time. you really have to understand who i am, which you should by now. you know i don't write this shit while sitting behind my modern chrome and glass desk, sitting in some gleaming and sterile office building. you also know that my apartment isn't shit, and i'm sure you've (correctly) assumed that my mac is a glorious hand-me-down and that my recorder is borrowed until the one i ordered is shipped from amazon. i mean, come on, kids. what do you expect? i've worn the same clothes for the last three days! to lunch! to the bar! TO WORK! does it surprise you that you can hear mic sounds and heavy breathing?! well, it shouldn't. i wanted it to feel like what it is: me in my bedroom, playing music and telling stories.

but i feel a little guilty now, like i should be giving you something better, so after these i'm going to sit down and work on it for real and make it nice. nicer. nice-ish. whatever doesn't force me to exert too much energy. i hope you love it.

episode 3

episode 4

episode 5

episode 6

happy listening.