Wednesday, November 18, 2015

bitches gotta read: carry on.

yoooooo, did you guys ever read eleanor and park!? i was late to that party, but when i finally got my grimy hands on a copy i read that shit in approximately thirty-seven minutes, ignoring my towering workload and my unmade bed and my idiot cat, book pressed to my nose from the first page to the last. as soon as i finished it, tears streaked through the frito dust on my cheeks, i was like WHO THE FUCK IS RAINBOW ROWELL then put on some outside pants and took the bus to women and children first and bought everything else she'd ever written then read every single one back to back in two days. I DIDN'T EVEN PEE. she's amazing, you guys. and now, after some mutual twitter stalking, we are friends. like for real. i have her phone number to prove it. i mean, i could totally text her n00ds if i wanted. anyway, my friend wrote another YA book and it just came out so let's read it for this month's drunk YA book club. then maybe you could tweet rainbow after and tell her how smart and pretty she is.

the rules
1 we are never going to meet in person. that would require a bra and zippered pants and probably an expensive uber and motherfuck that. you don't have to worry about carla's gluten allergy or that amy doesn't like gin. no cleaning the cat box or vacuuming the drapes or hiding the dirty laundry in the oven so your company doesn't realize what a huge slob you are. just you in your house glasses and gravy pants sobbing into your pinot grigio, the way john green intended. getting together with people you don't live next door to is hella stressful. plus, a bunch of old bitches sitting around talking about fictional teenage romance is lame. OR IS IT THO.
2 we are never going to discuss this, ever. i mean seriously. i'm going to derive pleasure from knowing that people i might possibly enjoy spending time with if i ever could bring myself to meet new people and i are falling asleep and drooling on the same book we'll probably never finish. maybe we'll talk about it on twitter or something. but even thinking about organizing that is a daunting task and i'm already exhausted. mariyam suggested making a facebook group, but is that dumb? the internet is so hard sometimes.
(shit i never made that fb group am i terrible?)

3 we are never going to shame each other about not reading the fucking book. this is the beauty of never having to meet or talk about it: i ain't gotta come up with "thoughtful questions" and you ain't gotta pretend to remember what happened at the end of chapter seven while a bunch of wine-drunk bitches you don't even like that much wait expectantly for your answer. i'll read them, but that's only in case i run into you at the 
farmer's market and you decide to pop quiz my ass.

(did you like "everything everything?" i fucking loved it. but don't ask me why.)

brief internet synopsis: simon snow is the worst chosen one who's ever been chosen. that's what his roommate, baz, says. and baz might be evil and a vampire and a complete git, but he's probably right. half the time, simon can't even make his wand work, and the other half, he starts something on fire. his mentor's avoiding him, his girlfriend broke up with him, and there's a magic-eating monster running around, wearing simon's face. baz would be having a field day with all this, if he were here--it's their last year at the watford school of magicks, and simon's infuriating nemesis didn't even bother to show up.

so i started reading this already but then i realized i need to finish broken monsters by lauren beukes (it's so good!) because i still like reading adult books too and my own adult book STILL IS NOT FINISHED and i have some other things to write and i still kind of want to figure out how those of us who want to can talk about these books online somehow (WHAT IS A CHATROOM) so fingers crossed that i get everything done before i have a complete emotional breakdown. jesus god, 80% of the essays i've written so far are straight trash. if my book just ends up being an annotated list of reasons why i couldn't write a real book you dudes have to promise to buy it anyway, deal? okay cool. see you around the water cooler.

UPDATE here is a virtual playground amy made for us that i have no idea how to operate but whatever see you there. (ps i am terrible at hyperlinks so if this doesn't work goodbye forever, i guess?)
drunk YA book club group!